Welcome to Friday night in Carol's Corner. Hope everyone's had a productive week. Can't believe we're already into March. Now if Spring would just make an appearance. My outfit today made me feel like a beautiful sunny day. I just adore this dress. The style , the colors, everything about this dress makes me feel happy. It has all my favorite colors.
Love how all this looks together.
Today I'm going to try and talk about building self confidence and esteem in a person who is over weight. I found some good material I'm going to use as we get started on this very sensitive topic. The article I will be taking material from is titled' Don't let being overweight affect your self esteem”. Life coach Kim Giles will help you with simple principal-based solutions to challenges you face and empower you to get along with others and become the best you, you can be. Before we begin, Kim Giles give her advice in the “LIFEadvice” series every Monday on ksl.com. She is the president of Clarity Life Coaching and is a sought-after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing self-esteem. So now we can get busy seeing what we can learn from her. She starts out with a question she received.
“I struggle with self-esteem because of my weight. In this world heavy people are less valuable than thin people. That's just how it is. Do you have any advice that would make me feel better about myself, despite being overweight?'
Whether the world values one over the other or not, it doesn't mean you have to. You have the power to decide how you value yourself. You have the power to choose your self-esteem. Every time Kim says this on ksl someone always disagrees with her and says it's not that easy and that they just can't choose to feel better. So she want's to set the record straight on this. She says yes, it isn't easy, but it's the only thing that works, and you must do it if you want to feel better. You must take control of your thinking.
The power to choose your attitude and state of mind is the one power no one can take from you. She then goes on to tell this story from a Victor Frankel during World War 11.
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
You can deny you have this power (and many do), but no one can take it from you. If you let the way other people value you, affect how you value yourself, it is your fault, because you don't have to.
You can reclaim the power to value yourself accurately, for who you really are, instead of just how you look. You can choose to love yourself exactly as you are right now, and reject false standards of worth. You can replace limiting beliefs with principals of truth. Some of these principals are below with bold.
YOUR WAIST SIZE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE, AND IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T DETERMINE YOUR VALUE.
Who you are, is your character, your values, your talents, your faults, your weaknesses, your goodness, your individuality, your spirit, and your love.
You are much more than your weight.
YOUR VALUE COMES FROM THE FACT THAT YOU A IRREPLACEABLE , ONE-OF-A-KIND, INCOMPARABLE HUMAN SOUL, AND A CHILD OF GOD.(THAT LAST PART IS MY ADDITION).
Your value is therefore infinite and absolute and is not on the line. Your value is not on the line, because life is a classroom, not a testing center. Your are here to learn and grow, not prove your worth.
YOU ARE THE SAME AMAZING,UNIQUE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR HOW YOU LOOK. Your weight has nothing to do with who you are.
You can adopt these universal truths by just repeating them often. All you have to do in any moment is choose to believe and embrace these truths instead of the negative thoughts you've been letting run amok in your head.
HERE ARE SOME OTHER WAYS YOU CAN START VALUING YOURSELF ACCURATELY.
1). Keep a journal, and when you are feeling inferior because of your weight, write down what triggered those thoughts. Write down the belief, the rule or assumption behind those thoughts. Write down how you could change your mind and think about yourself more accurately. How can you use your power to choose your state of mind, to feel,strong, beautiful,valuable and safe?
2). Poor body image is the result of rules you subconsciously made and still believe. Rules like (thin people are better than fat people) or ( no one will love me if I'm overweight). These limiting beliefs just aren't accurate. When you meet people who prove these rules aren't accurate, take the time to write about them in your journal.
There are lots of talented, successful, valuable people with good self-esteem who are overweight. Oprah is a great example. She doesn't base her value on her weight. She knows she is much more than that. Writing about these people will help debunk those limiting beliefs and replace them with truth
3). Practice choosing trust. Trust your value is infinite and absolute and not on the line because life is a classroom, not a testing center. You are here to learn and love. You are good enough right now.
Trust that who you are is your love for life, yourself, and others. Choose to focus more on loving other people than on getting their approval. Love is the most powerful way to eliminate fear in any moment. When you focus on love, your fears disappear.
4). Focus on being healthy, not thin. Most of your body shape is genetic. You inherited your physical body shape from your ancestors (bless their souls) and you cannot escape those genes. Focus on taking care of yourself and staying healthy.
5). Eat healthy all the time instead of going on and off diets. Eat healthy because you value yourself and your health, not because you need approval from other people. Self-esteem is what you( yourself) think. Focus on your goodness.
6). Find a form of exercise that you love to do. Don't let exercise become torture. Make it a fun part of your full and enjoyable life. Stay active doing things you love to do.
7). Learn how to buy and wear clothes that flatter your figure. The series I just did recently on dressing your body shape should be quite helpful in that regard. If you learn to shop for the right clothes and dress appropriately, it will make a difference in how you feel. Take extra care with your hair and make up. If you take extra care with your appearance when you leave your home, you will be amazed at how good you feel and how differently people perceive and respond to you. When you are losing and clothes become too big for you , try to find pieces at the thrift shops to get you through while you are on your journey to the place you wish to end up.
8). Focus on how you treat people. In the end, people care more about how you treat them, than how you look. That is not to say you should't care how you look. This is me talking here. I think everyone should take pride in their appearance, no matter what the scale says. It will also help motivate you to continue the journey you may have already started.
9). Smile. According to Search Your Love, 67% of single men and 78% of single women find someone who smiles, a bigger turn-on than being thin.
Decide today to consciously take charge of your inner state. In every moment choose to value yourself accurately.
Some other things I would personally like to add. When you decide to lose weight and get fit, do it for yourself and for your health and well being. It has to come from your own desire and not because someone else wants you to. I began my journey for health reasons , but everything about my journey continued because I found my zest for life that had kind of left me as I let my weight go to the highest point in my life. I feel better about myself than in any other time of my life. I tell people I am 64 and never better. Believe me, I don't think you will regret your own journey to health and fitness. I sure haven't. I hope you have found this to be helpful. This is such a delicate subject , but one I thought would be helpful to address. Remember you are important , you are worth it. Don't ever forget that. Till next time, God Bless.